Pressure Busts Pipes (or just makes your Anxiety worse)

“Just being you — that’s life without parole” - Peter Parker from Peter Parker : Spider Man #47

So yeah, it’s been a while since you’ve read this newsletter in your email inbox. The intention was to make this newsletter something that would be done at least three times a week on Hornets coverage. And for a while, it felt like it was gonna work and that I’d contribute something to the Hornets blogosphere besides inane rants on Twitter.

And then December rolled around, and with all the momentum from Dispatches I’d tackle a feature piece I’d be offered on Cody Zeller for Dime. I’d done the interviews and the work and the background for it and I sat down excited to take on this feature piece.

Then the anxiety took over.

Let me rewind it a bit, if you’ve learned anything about me or followed my career for any length of time. I generally make moves that try to boost my standing in life or my career forward. Enjoyment rarely factored into any career decisions , I did it because everyone told me I was talented and smart.

So let’s do a little math, you have someone who feels like they have to keep up this idea that he’s talented and needs to prove that. Add the fact that he thinks he’s not where people of his talent level are AND the fact that media is getting more and more competitive by the day? It’s a recipe for disaster.

So my brain broke, or wouldn’t even entertain the idea of writing something that involved being descriptive beyond questions and answers. Hell, the fact I’m even writing this right now is a miracle in itself.

I guess what I wrote this long ass preamble for is that at least for now, I can write again. Since we’re in a pandemic and I’m not doing this for anything other than my enjoyment (which is a VERY new emotion), it’s not gonna be about sports (except for a few sprinkles here and there).

More importantly, I’m not gonna try to keep this to a schedule. I’ve said this on Twitter and this is something I’ve said to multiple people in real life. There are few rules in a pandemic, the most basic one is to survive. For now, I can write. If I can’t write, it may go to this being a five to ten minute rambling session on some audio file that you’ll find in this email.

Like I said, it’s survival.

But before I go…let’s get into the reason I felt kinda moved to write today.

vagabond dude @NataTheScribe

I really don’t care to discuss Ahmaud Arbery, I don’t care to see the performative wokeness. I’m just tired of the world reminding me over and over again that people who look like me aren’t worthy of grace and justice.

Folks, I’m tired.

Not even the “I’m weary because I’m sick of being in the house for fiftyleven days and straining the capacities of my girlfriend’s kindness” tired. This is an “I have an anchor at the bottom of my soul” type of tired. Don’t worry, it’s not depression (believe me, I checked).

At some point, the ROI on seeing these videos when factoring in the emotional toll just gets to be to the point where I’m just wore out. For instance, my girlfriend was watching Shaun King on IG live after Gregory and Thomas McMichael were arrested. I was just chilling on the PS4 while she was watching and she could just see the weariness on my face.

For the record, I’ll never dispute the fact that viral videos of black death are effective in order to start the conversation to get justice. It’s the fact that it requires the complete erosion of my emotional well being as well as likely knowing the outcome with five percent of me withholding a scant glimmer of hope that somehow this country gets this right.

But it got me to wishing that one day I won’t have to weigh the future of the entire African-American population on a trial. I won’t have to stress about being in the wrong neighborhood and have something go wrong and still walk away alive. That one day, I can have the freedom to know I don’t represent the entire race whenever I step into a predominately white space. That I can just be.

Maybe one day.

Kobe's Gone. Everything Hurts.

“Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all, and I stood tall
And did it my way.” - Frank Sinatra - My Way

This is hard.

Due of a lot of life commitments, I hadn’t written a Dispatches in long in nearly two months. What can I say, life shit happens. And when life shit happens, the written word flutters out of my grasp because I’m focused on so many other things. But when Kobe Bean Bryant dies tragically on a Sunday afternoon, I had to write. The memories are flooding and rather than be angry at the world (again), I’d rather release it here.

It took me searching for the musical quote for my lede to figure this out, but Kobe Bryant embodied My Way by Sinatra. Think about it, whether it was his (failed) rap career or choosing to kick it solo post Shaq (until Pau). Kobe did things his way. He grew on his terms, whether it was going to Hakeem Olajuwon to refine his footwork and work more on the block or winning an Academy Award for a short film on basketball, things were done according to Kobe. Not anyone else.

Kobe wasn’t perfect and highlighting only the good stuff would be painting a picture that’s grossly incomplete. Colorado existed, he riffed and beefed with multiple teammates and had shown to himself to be equivalent of that OCD co-worker that everyone knows and loathes.

The coolest thing happened as he got older though, he (appeared) to learn and grow as a person. He became a great advocate for the women’s game (whether or not he deserved that accolade is up to you to decide). The World not getting to see what Kobe Bryant was going to grow into might be the cruelest cut in all of this.

So, I’m choosing to tell some stories. Maybe you’ll like them. Maybe you won’t. Maybe you were there and these spark some positive emotion in dark times.

The First Story:

Josh Parcell @JoshParcell

Here was Michael Jordan's message to Kobe Bryant the last time he ever played in Charlotte. "I've always been like a big brother, you're like a little brother. I'm pretty sure you're just like me."

First things first, if you were fortunate to be in the building for Kobe’s final game in Charlotte, this sendoff to Kobe from Michael was perfect. In only a way that Michael could do.

HOWEVER

What I’ll never forget was what happened AFTER that video message from Jordan. The familiar keys of Jay-Z’s Dynasty Intro hit. And Big Pat, the Hornets PA announcer delivered one of the greatest intro’s for a visiting player ever. The video doesn’t even capture how absolutely electrifying the arena was that night.

Seeing the influence that Kobe CLEARLY had on a guy like Kemba Walker made it all worth it that night as the Hornets won 108 - 98.

Speaking of influence, as someone who’s covered the league for a it. You take for granted the influence a guy like Kobe Bryant has. I know I compared him to Sinatra earlier, but he might be more like James Brown. As in the baseline mentality of so many NBA players are rooted in the “Mamba Mentality” that it became the league standard if you wanted to be an elite player.

Second Story

December 29, 2006

The night Kobe poured in 58 in a Double Overtime loss to the Charlotte Bobcats. I was lucky enough to be in the building as a fan. Watching Kobe in person THAT night was special. It didn’t matter who was in front of Kobe, he was getting buckets.

Just a couple observations from that night that I didn’t realize until I looked at the box score.

• Bobcats fans from that era were so tied up in Raymond Felton NOT being Chris Paul that we probably didn’t realize how good we had it until Kemba came along.

• Filed under “why I’ll never trust plus-minus as a stat”, Matt Carroll led the Bobcats in plus-minus that night, which made sense as he pumped in 27 off the bench. But guess who was second that night — Jake Voskhul. Plus-Minus is never to be trusted man.

• The more I think about the gunner Kobe era, the more I wish we’d appreciated it for what it was. And be we, I mostly mean me. It makes me wonder what else I missed out on due to stupid groupthink.

Random Kobe Thoughts:

Purple Rain @Aprills_Rain

He did it for Kobe🙏🏽💜 RT @MusikFan4Life: Bradley Beal : 40 points on 12-22 shooting, 15-18 from the FT line & 6 assists in 38 minutes (5th 40-point game this season)hpid

• First things first, I thought the NBA playing games on Sunday was a massive mistake. This isn’t the NFL where emotions can be hidden behind a mask, the NBA is in the business of promoting stars. It’s an extremely bad look for your product when your stars are that emotionally distraught. Especially when in the last few years, the NBA has willingly accepted the label of being the “woke” league. You can’t accept that label without the blowback that comes from decisions like this. As I’ve stated on Twitter, if this was Peyton Manning and the NFL had to make a decision, do you really think they’re not cancelling games?

• Secondly, I’ve already touched on it but Kobe and Colorado is a touchy subject for all involved. One I’ve (intentionally) stayed silent on because I’ve chosen to listen to women on this subject and shut up for the most part. That said I’m about to contradict ALL of that and say, Kobe’s done more good than bad for this world, to say the man’s earned at least 24 hours grace to dissect his very complicated legacy is more than fair.

• An addendum to the “legacy” discussion, complete legacies are always complicated and full of shades of gray. Anything tilted one way or the other is likely full of shit and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

• Lastly, there are likely going to be a lot of ties to the Charlotte Hornets and the “blunder” that is trading Kobe Bryant. If any story includes this lovely little ditty, I need you guys to do me a favor and ignore it. The myth of the Charlotte Hornets not wanting Kobe Bryant is just that — a myth. I know the Charlotte Observer’s Rick Bonnell has reported this often, but in case you needed a reminder : Kobe. Bryant. Did. Not. Want. To. Play. Here. There’s been enough on the record reporting of this story. The trade was agreed upon before the Hornets even drafted him. Tell a friend and let’s kill this false narrative one person at a time.

Song of the Day

Say what you want about how Lost ended, the soundtrack was full of songs that made great “sad” music. For Kobe, this song felt appropriate. Especially since it’s been on repeat as I’ve been writing this at damn near 2 AM. And good luck trying not to cry, I’ve failed multiple times.

The Losses Can Become Lessons

I like nightmares. When I wake up, they leave me deeply valuing my reality.

— Taylor Mason (Asia Kate Dillon)

Let’s be real, the 1st half of Monday’s game was a nightmare. I could try to come up with some fancy way to gussy it up and make it sound fancy. But at the end of the day, that would be me putting more effort into the description than the Hornets put into the entire 1st half.

That said, the team kinda redeemed themselves even if you knew the ending was going to be cruel and harsh. In fact my girlfriend (who reads these), fairly new to these Hornets calamities, texted with a minute to go asking me if the lead was safe. The Hornets were up by seven at that point. I responded with “too soon to tell.”

By now, you probably know what happened next. The Hornets offense that was so good for the 2nd half of that game dried up. And another game that should have been a win over another middling team ends up being the latest in a rash of losses that shouldn’t have been. Even for a team in transition.

There are those out there who believe that losses like these are unacceptable, even in a transition year like this one. I’d argue they’re half right. As a fan, you might not want to see losses like Monday night’s, because it brings the back a familiar pain. As players, there has to be some learning from these losses. And while the young Hornets haven’t shown they’ve learned their lesson yet. They have the rest of the season to show their work, and because they’ve been ahead of schedule, they’ve earned the benefit of the doubt.

Now onto the fun stuff..

THE FUN STUFF (I PROMISE)…..

John Schuhmann @johnschuhmann

Bismack Biyombo Eurostep. Shut. It. Down.

• If you thought I was gonna start the fun stuff with something OTHER THAN THIS, you were grossly mistaken. I mean, let’s start with the fact that former Hornet Frank Kaminsky shorted a 3 point shot, which lead to the run out. Which leads to the most unlikely Euro step plus the foul in the league. The best part of that video though? Even though the team was down fourteen, you saw the excitement for that three-point play in Biz’s teammates. There were guys legitimately happy for one of the locker room veterans. If the Hornets go on those long losing streaks, this is the kind of details fans can hold onto. They’ll provide the moments of smiles even if the wins come few and far in between. There’s value with these moments, cherish them.

FOX Sports: Hornets @HornetsOnFSSE

"SCORE IT! AND A FOUL!" Marvin Williams takes the contact and goes glass for the and one! #AllFly | #PHXatCHA | @hornets

• I’ve said it on Twitter and I’ve said it here but still, I’m going to miss Marvin Williams when he’s traded. Between him still calling out where his teammates need to be on defense to backing down smaller defenders on the block, Marvin’s been one of my favorite Hornets to watch this season. It’s almost impossible to quantify what he does for this team, whether on or off the court. And while it’s kinda crazy to say that Marvin Williams deserves to have his jersey retired. I’m not above saying that when it comes to for him to retire, whether he’s in another team’s uniform or he has one final tour of duty with the Hornets that he absolutely deserves an extensive video package tribute.

ONE NON HORNETS RELATED FUN THING

Always Late with Katie Nolan @AlwaysLateESPN

What are we doing this week to ruin sports for men? 😈U

• Look, if you know me at all, you know I love subversive things that poke fun at the status quo in a way that make you think. The other thing you should know is that when a piece is produced so well and written so perfectly that you wish you were a part of it somehow, it’s a good piece of #content. Katie Nolan’s piece on how some in the sports landscape view women is something that should be seen multiple times and then thought about in multiple lenses. If it doesn’t shift your lens either a) you’re where you need to be or b) you likely need to shift your thinking.

Song of the Game

• Twice upon a time there was a boy who died twice/ And lived happily ever after but that's another chapter. If you need any other reasons to listen to a classic song from a classic album. Well, yeah, do it.

See y’all later this week (I promise)

Shades of 2011

“Luke: I won't fail you. I'm not afraid.

Yoda: You will be. You... will... be.” - Star Wars Episode V Empire Strikes Back

With 13 seconds, I thought the five point lead against the Chicago Bulls was safe. I started to clean up my mess of stat sheets and got ready to head down to catch the post game press conference.

“Just hold off a little bit,” my conscience whispered to me. “They still can screw this up.”

Right about that time is when Satoransky hit the three to bring the Bulls within two points. The rest, as they say, was academic. Especially if you’ve followed the Hornets for any sort of time.

For this year’s Hornets, this was the second of two straight meltdowns in the fourth quarter. The same habits you’ve seen in ghosts of Hornets past popped up both in Washington. The late game turnovers, the offensive droughts, the inbounding issues. Everything was like reliving your worst high school memory.

What might hurt the most about games like this are the fact that it tamps down on the hope that one might have it this team in the future. Because the scars of prior building teams creep back up. It’s like having Rob Schneider with his crappy cajun accent saying “oh we suck again” on loop.

I’ve always been one of those who will repeat the “enjoy the ride” mantra, but after this last four game losing streak (that’s almost guaranteed to be five after Monday’s game in Miami), I’d get why anyone would want off.

And that sucks, because this team can bring such highlights. But the lowlights can bring such pain, even when you’re not expected to compete for a playoff spot.

OTHER NEWS AND NOTES

• In the postgame presser, Coach Borrego mentioned that his message to his team was to “stay together”. While I get that was probably said to prevent any sort of splintering, it’s also a bothersome quote. If there’s any sort of fracturing going on SEVENTEEN GAMES IN , this has the chance to get much worse before it gets much better.

• I don’t want how dynamic the defense was in the 3rd quarter of this Bulls game to get lost. They held the Bulls to THIRTEEN points. It was a dynamic performance, and it should have been the bridge to breaking a three game losing streak.

• Also in the not getting lost pile is Marvin Williams 2nd half performance. For large stretches of the 2nd half, Marvin was the offense. It was fun watching Marvin turn back the clock, and there’s a small part of me that hopes he gets a chance to finish his career in a Hornets uniform.

ABOUT THE CITY EDITION UNIFORMS

So I know that these came out to very little fanfare and a ton of scorn and anger. I get most of the anger, the disappointment and the derision. Hell, I was meh about them on the Locked On Hornets podcast segment I do weekly (which you should be able to find here).

The Charlotte Sports Despair @SportsDespair

@NataTheScribe I think the team has been too good with the jerseys/branding of late to give them a pass on a the city jerseys being just meh. It’s the only thing we get to have expectations for.

But my friend Clay brought up some points that I felt like I should respond to. The first thing I feel like I need to say that that, yes, the branding and everything have been on point for the Hornets up until this year. I’d also ask anyone disappointed in these jerseys to find me the culture in this city that isn’t done better elsewhere.

Craft beer is done FAR better in other parts of this state, if not the country. The no brainer concepts the Hornets could’ve done (Dreamville partnership w/ J.Cole, recognizing the civil rights history of NC) either highlight other parts of the state OR they scare away the lighter shade of the fanbase.

What people of Charlotte SHOULD look at this is a stinging indictment that the pool of culture in this city is much shallower than anyone really thinks it is. And the fact that the Hornets feel like they can’t brand around it is a bigger problem than anyone wants to admit.

Song of the Weekend

The original is iconic, Frank’s remake is just as awesome. It’s perfectly depressing for a team that’s lost two straight heartbreakers. Sip a cold brew (or non-alcoholic beverage you go to when depressed) and mourn away.

Even if this a low period, take time to focus on the high points in a single game and enjoy the ride.